I’m feeling really isolated, terrified and lonely. This week’s meeting with the evil bitch from hell (aka the NHS psychiatrist) has really upset my system and disrupted the relatively balanced, calm state I’d achieved. The panic has set in again. The little ones inside are terrified and afraid.
To give some background: despite being relatively nuts, at the same time I am relatively functional. I am currently studying for my Master’s degree at university and I am making good grades. I am also working on a freelance basis. The bitch from hell from the NHS has advised me that DID cannot be “contained” by any of their doctors and that I am too traumatised to be suitable for any form of therapy from then. Further, she’s said that I’m not suitable to be treated as an outpatient and that I must attend a three-day-a-week, 9 to 5 centre for serious nutcases where I will learn “basic living skills, how to apply for welfare benefits, how to cook, how to interact socially with others and how to take basic care of myself.” I pointed out to her that I have a job, I have a great apartment and a circle of friends and I’ve been working – successfully – in the same industry for 11 years now. She told me that if I am serious about ‘getting well’ I need to give up my Master’s degree and my work and go to this three-day-a-week centre where people sit there drooling and shaking. I would need to attend this shitty centre for 10 months and then she would ‘review’ my situation and see if I was now ready for therapy.
Thankfully, behind this bitch from hell’s back, I’ve managed to find a highly qualified and experienced DID psychotherapist who works in the private sector. This therapist says that for someone with DID I am actually high-functioning and most certainly suitable for therapy.
The NHS frickin SUCKS
Diary of a Multiple Personality 