My therapist seems to think a baby/infant is sexually pro-active

One thing I’ve found in the year and a half I’ve been having therapy is that my therapist repeatedly says:

“Your mother set you up to have sex with a lot of men when you were a baby.”

and

“You had sex with lots of men during your infancy”

What the therapist is alluding to is the fact that my mother used to invite pedophiles over to the house to rape me, from when I was about 18 months old.

I explained to the therapist that “to have sex with” implies some sort of activity on my part. As a grown woman (I am in my 30s) if I wanted to now, I could go out and “have sex with” a man or with men. As a baby, lying there in my crib too young to have even developed the power of speech yet, how could I possibly “have sex with” anybody? All I could do is be raped. I could not actively have sex. It could only be done to me. I explained all this to the therapist. I told her that by repeatedly claiming I had sex with men when I was only a baby and toddler she is being inaccurate and she is re-traumatizing me. But guess what? She continues to use that phrasing. She REFUSES to call it rape.

Why?

Being Sold for Sex

I was sold for sex.

My earliest memory is of a man (a man of about 25 or 30) coming to the house. And raping me. I was about 3 years old. My mother watched. She seemed anxious. When he had finished with me, my mother looked at me with contempt. The rapist looked at me with something like….vague fondness. He showed more affection for me than my mother did. I wound up leaving my own body. I think I sat there playing with the toys the rapist had given me (expensive toys, if I remember correctly) feeling like I was on another planet altogether. I don’t think I cried. I always seem to have this resigned, lost look in my eyes as an infant and child…

I was majorly triggered when I read a recent news story. A 15-year old girl in New Jersey took her 7 year old sister to a party. The 15 year old had sex with a number of teenage boys and grown men, in exchange for cash. Then she took more cash and let them start touching her 7 year old sister. Soon the ‘touching’ escalated to gang rape of the 7 year old. Apparently six or seven grown men raped the 7 year old. I strongly got the impression (just my intuition) that this wasn’t the first such experience for those two girls. (Read their news story here). Any more than my rape at age 3 (my earliest memory) was the first time I was raped. Medical records suggest I’d already been raped by the time I was 18 months, if not earlier. At that time, when I was 3, I was briefly examined by a social worker who noted that I ‘hopefully’ had not been raped as my vagina was not torn. She noted that I did have ‘vulval soreness’, that I seemed detached and that I subsequently developed a virulent urinary tract infection. I wasn’t ‘torn’ though (not on the outside) because at age three, I had not been a virgin. I’d already had that taken away from me.