One thing I’ve found in the year and a half I’ve been having therapy is that my therapist repeatedly says:
“Your mother set you up to have sex with a lot of men when you were a baby.”
and
“You had sex with lots of men during your infancy”
What the therapist is alluding to is the fact that my mother used to invite pedophiles over to the house to rape me, from when I was about 18 months old.
I explained to the therapist that “to have sex with” implies some sort of activity on my part. As a grown woman (I am in my 30s) if I wanted to now, I could go out and “have sex with” a man or with men. As a baby, lying there in my crib too young to have even developed the power of speech yet, how could I possibly “have sex with” anybody? All I could do is be raped. I could not actively have sex. It could only be done to me. I explained all this to the therapist. I told her that by repeatedly claiming I had sex with men when I was only a baby and toddler she is being inaccurate and she is re-traumatizing me. But guess what? She continues to use that phrasing. She REFUSES to call it rape.
Why?
Hi there,
I’m very concerned about this therapist. I would consider changing this therapist a.s.a.p. To be honest I’ve been really shocked by what I’ve read in this post and the last one. Unfortunately, it is not the first time I have heard that many people who have been sexually abused and raped being re-traumatized by a therapist that cannot understand it, cannot handle what they are being told or are still part of the victim blaming culture that we have. I would have thought at the very least she would have understood that rape is nothing to do with sex. The kind of abuse is a physical assault, resulting in grievous or actual bodily harm. I wish people would STOP associating it with sex or seeing it as just a sexual act. It’s about domination, power and serving their own needs and has very little to do with sex although that may be their preferred weapon. I’m glad you challenged her on her thinking, but I cannot understand why she hasn’t taken your comments seriously. Being able to name what happened to you is important, suggesting you or the men ‘had sex with’ is minimizing these truly traumatic events. I wonder if there is something in her own life preventing her from being able to counsel you adequately enough. If so, she needs to sort it out or be honest and say she is not in a position to give you therapy.
Your Mother allowed you to be raped and sexually abused repeatedly, when she should have been protecting you. I don’t pretend to understand why she did it and I don’t know enough to comment, but I do know that you didn’t ‘have sex with’ anybody.
I’m glad you’ve found a way of venting your feelings here on this blog and I hope you have other friends you can talk to. I can only imagine how traumatized you felt or still feel by your therapists attitude.
I wish you well.
Liz.
This person is bad, really really bad in a way that can damage you through her abuse of you for a very long time. I think you are showing that in how you are right now and reacting to her.
No, you did not “have sex”, obviously no. You were a sex slave and was prostituted by a parent, in no way and at no time were you having sex. Sex can only happen between two people were there is safety to say no and consent is capable, given, and you are of age to give consent. I am deeply disturbed by this person and it is not healing to see this therapist.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate